The Trouble Boys Page 6

  “You always had a thing for her, didn’t you? I mean, when we were younger?”

  “Yeah, I did.”

  “She asks about you once in a while. She asks how you’re doing.”

  Johnny smiled. “She does?”

  Colin nodded.

  “It’s nice to know someone’s asking.”

  “How are you and Donna?”

  “We’re all right, but sometimes I think she’s bored with me.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.” Colin patted his friend’s back. “Where’s this cart? You said it was across the street. Right?” He looked around for it.

  “I guess the guy moved. He must’ve just moved a little farther up.”

  Colin hesitated. “Maybe we should just go to Byrne’s.”

  Johnny either hadn’t heard or he pretended not to have heard, because he didn’t reply. He kept walking and Colin followed.

  They reached a delicatessen and compromised on going in there. Colin and Johnny were outside the Bowery and in an unfamiliar neighborhood at night. People wouldn’t know them there, and Colin was convinced the guy working behind the counter gave them a menacing look when they stepped inside. He wondered if there was going to be a confrontation. Would the owner call some of his friends and inform them two strangers had entered his shop and one of them was ‘dark’? It had happened to Colin and Johnny before.

  But nothing happened this time. Colin and Johnny finished their sandwiches and left.

  “What’s it like living on your own?” Colin asked Johnny as they walked back to the garage.

  “It’s pretty good. You ought to consider it.”

  “I don’t think I could ever leave my home. Maureen’s such a good cook.” Colin grinned.

  “I ought to marry that girl. Of course, I don’t know if she’d have me.”

  “She likes you. But I don’t think I’d want to let you into my family.”

  Johnny chuckled. “Come on, we’re practically brothers.”

  “I consider you my brother,” Colin said with sincerity.

  Johnny patted Colin’s shoulder. “And I consider you my brother as well.”

  “Colin, what have you been up to today?” Maureen inquired in a friendly way as he entered the flat.

  “Working. How are you?”

  “Fine. Did you see Johnny today?”

  “I did. How’d you know?”

  “He’s your best friend.”

  “Right, he is.”

  “Have you eaten yet?” Maureen asked.

  “Yeah, but I’m still hungry.”

  “Good because I made dinner. It looks like it’s just going to be you and me tonight. Danny took Patrick out for hamburgers.”

  “He did? When?”

  “A little while ago. Want to eat now? The food’s hot.” Colin nodded.

  Maureen had already set out the food so they sat down right away and began to eat the potatoes and shared a small steak.

  “How’s Mam doing?” Colin asked between chewing bites of meat.

  “She’s in her bedroom,” Maureen said indifferently.

  Colin nodded in understanding. “Has she been outside at all today?”

  “Surprisingly, she has. She bought cigarettes, Lucky Strikes, like Da used to smoke, and then she sat outside on the steps.” Maureen coughed back tears.

  Colin tenderly squeezed his sister’s hand. He glanced at the corner of the room where his father’s accordion case had sat unused and dusty after his death until his mother pawned it. “I better go say hello to Mam and see how she’s doing. I haven’t seen her all day.”

  “You can wait until you’re done with your dinner, Colin.”

  “But I really should—”

  “Can’t we eat in peace?” Maureen sounded exasperated as she cut him off. “I haven’t seen you all day either. We all work so hard to support that woman, and she doesn’t do anything.”

  “You explained her condition to me when I was little. I remember you told me her mother had the same problems. Mam’s been tired and anxious her whole life. I remember how she was before we came to New York, and sometimes after, but it’s gotten worse since Da—”

  “Her mother died in the same way Da did.”

  The revelation made Colin pause. “I didn’t know that. She told you that?”

  “No. Da told Danny and me years ago. You were too young to know.”

  “You don’t think she’ll…”

  “No, I don’t think she will. Don’t worry, Colin.”

  “She must have felt terrible after Da…” Maureen nodded and sat there quietly.

  “Does that mean we’ll end up like her someday?” he asked.

  “I’m not sure.” After a while she said, “I’m tired. I’m anxious sometimes. But I don’t stay inside all day. I work. Maybe I’d like my own bedroom.”

  “So move out.”

  “Who would take care of Patrick? Mam?” Maureen laughed bitterly and shook her head.

  “I’m sorry, Maureen, but I want to see Mam.” Colin rose from the table.

  “If you leave this table, don’t bother coming back.”

  “Maureen, please—”

  “I mean it.” She crumpled her napkin and threw it on the table.

  “Maureen.”

  “Oh, forget I said anything.”

  Colin went inside his mother’s bedroom. Her small, thin body was hidden under blankets and a white pillow framed her delicate face and golden curls. The window curtains were closed, and the room was stuffy.

  “Mam? It’s me,” Colin whispered.

  His mother moved slightly. She opened her eyes and looked at him. He started to let some light into the room but she yelled at him to stop. He noticed now more than ever how much she had aged in the past years, and she couldn’t be called ‘pretty’ anymore. Her condition, and then her husband’s death, had shattered her. Colin wondered if she privately wished they’d never left Kilrea.

  “My handsome boy.” She sat up. “You’ve been out all day. Have you been getting into trouble? You’re growing up to be good, aren’t you, and not one of those trouble boys?”

  “Yes, Mam,” he answered in a soothing voice. He disliked lying to her but he didn’t want to break her heart more than it already had been. “I’ve been working. I’ve been bringing home money for the family.”

  “You’re almost a man, now, Colin, a boy who is becoming a tall, strong man. You’ll be a good man like your father was. I’m sure of it.” She stroked his face and smiled. Her hands felt very warm.

  Colin nodded but inside he doubted he’d ever be considered good anymore.

  “Was Da really my father?” he asked.

  She frowned. “Of course he was. You look like him. You’re big like him.”

  “Then years ago why did you say he wasn’t?”

  “You remember that?” She frowned again. “I’d had too much to drink. It was claptrap.”

  Given her frail state, Colin didn’t want to press the matter further. She didn’t like discussing his father.

  “Is your sister all right?” his mother asked.

  “She seems fine. She’s in the next room. Why are you asking? Did something happen?”

  “I don’t know. She’s moody all the time. I think she hates me,” she grumbled.

  “She doesn’t hate you. She’s upset about what happened to Da, and she doesn’t like that you scarcely leave the apartment.”

  “What is she talking about? I bought cigarettes, didn’t I?” His mother scowled and turned away from him. “Darling, I want to rest now.”

  Colin nodded and left the room. He resumed his conversation with Maureen after he had returned to the dinner table. She didn’t ask him how their mother was doing.

  “How have you really been?” Colin asked.

  Maureen sighed. “Fine, as I said. I guess.”

  “What do you mean, you guess?”

  Her eyes darkened, and her lips trembled. “What am I supposed to say?” she shouted as she rose. “Do
you want me to lie and say I’m doing wonderful?”

  She flung her plate to the ground and it broke apart on the floor. Her fury shocked him. Maureen stepped over a piece of steak and lowered her voice.

  “Because you know that none of us are doing well, Colin. We’ve been cheated. We wouldn’t have come here if it wasn’t for Mam.

  And maybe Da wouldn’t have had to borrow money from that man if she’d worked once in a while. Aren’t you mad? Just the least bit mad? We gave up everything for that woman in there, who won’t even leave her bedroom most of the time.” Maureen’s voice was hushed but very angry.

  “I know. It’s not good. Mam’s got her problems, but we all have problems. Nobody’s perfect.”

  “Nobody’s perfect?” Maureen shook her head in frustration. “You’re an eejit.” She knelt down and began to clean up the mess on the floor.

  “Maureen, I’m sorry.”

  She ignored him and continued to clean.

  “You wasted your food,” he commented lightly, after a while. She looked up at him and glared.

  “Here, let me help you.” Colin started to rise from his chair. “No.” Maureen reached over and touched his arm to lower him back down.

  He accepted her wish and took a few more bites of his food. But he couldn’t finish it. “Can I do the dishes this time?” he offered.

  “You doing the dishes?”

  “Why not?”

  “Because it’s not like you to ask so I don’t know why you’re asking now.”

  Maureen rose from the floor and stacked the broken pieces of the dish in the sink and threw away the remains of her dinner. She wet a rag in the sink and used it to clean the floor.

  Colin got up and spoke to her. “I’d like to help.”

  She rose, collected his plate, and put it in the sink. “You don’t need to help. Go do something outside. Have some fun. You’re young.”

  “You’re young, too.”

  “I’m older than you,” she stated. “And I have to be here when Danny comes home with Patrick.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?”

  “Go, Colin.”

  He heard the water running and Maureen scrubbing dishes. Colin put on his coat and quietly left. He said goodbye to her, but she didn’t ask him where he was going.

  Autumn had settled nicely in the Bowery. The crisp air felt terrific to Colin’s lungs as he breathed in. In his life, to have something as definite as breathing often came as a relief to him.

  Byrne’s was his place and it loomed in front of him like a relic. He could see the outline of Lucille’s small, slender body through the thin curtain on the front window. She was smoking a cigarette, had an ashtray in front of her on the bar, and was sipping a drink.

  He went inside the warm pub and took a seat next to her. “How are you?”

  Lucille had changed into a dark skirt and a red blouse. She turned to look at him. “Did we . . . at my place? I can’t remember. We didn’t, right?” She sounded worried.

  “No, we didn’t.” Colin watched her pretty eyes.

  She exhaled and then drank. Colin ordered a Guinness. “What did happen between us?” she asked after a while.

  “We kissed and held each other. I helped you into bed before I left. I never touched you after we kissed.”

  “You’re a real gentleman.” Lucille stared at him and seemed to be thinking. She sighed. “You’re nice to look at. Real sharp too. You’re a big guy for your age, but you’re too young for me, and, anyway, I’m not looking to get involved with anyone right now.” She glanced at the clock above the bar.

  “Are you late for something?”

  Lucille shook her head. “Just checking the time. Sometimes I forget how long I’ve been in here. As I was saying, you need a sweetheart, one of those cute redheads. You know, the Irish girls who’re always at church on Sundays and every other day of the week; the ones whose parents won’t let them date until they’re practically married.”

  “I can’t stand the type. I like you better.”

  “But that’s who you’re going to end up with, and that’s who you need. Honey, I’m too worn for you.”

  “No, you aren’t,” he insisted. “You’re beautiful.” He was eager to please her and smiled at her.

  Lucille blushed, and then she frowned and shook her head as though he would never understand, but it didn’t bother him. Colin liked the glow in her eyes. Lucille had some hard years behind her, but she was good looking, and her eyes were the most attractive part about her.

  Lucille smiled at him. “Come on, handsome. Let’s walk to my place.”

  Colin got up. He couldn’t tell why she’d changed her mind. They left the pub and went outside. It wasn’t late, but it was a cool evening, and everyone but the nighttime regulars, the drunks, the streetwalkers, and the criminals, had decided to stay inside. Colin and Lucille reached the hotel where she lived.

  “Here we are,” she said.

  Colin asked, with his voice full of uncertainty, “Is it going to be like the last time?”

  “What, do you mean are we going to drunk kiss and then you leave?” She smiled at him.

  “It doesn’t have to be like that. It can be nice this time.”

  “Oh, honey.” Lucille ran her smooth hand across his face and looked up into his eyes. “You sure are handsome,” she whispered and pressed her lips to his. Even in high heels she had to reach up to touch his hair. Then she seemed to remember her place, and she pulled away and told him goodnight. “I’ll see you tomorrow, honey. We’re still friends, right?”

  Colin’s body turned hot from confusion and hurt, but he didn’t want Lucille to see how much she’d wounded him. He mumbled yes, and then said goodbye and strode away.

  Colin walked the streets with impatience. He wanted somebody to say something to him that would anger him. He wanted someone to bump into him a little too hard, or to give him a look that was a little too long. He wanted a reason to have a fight. Lucille turning him down made him feel like less of a man, and he hated the feeling.

  He contemplated returning to Byrne’s or visiting Johnny. Except he knew Johnny wouldn’t be home. Johnny would be out on the town with the beautiful Donna. Byrne’s seemed like a good second choice, but he figured the pub would only remind him of Lucille. He stopped at a store near his home to get a cola before turning in for the evening.

  “Mister, you got the time on you?” he asked an old homeless man sleeping outside.

  “Son, if I wore a watch, I wouldn’t be out here,” the man joked. The old man’s laugh was infectious and Colin chuckled along with him. He was grateful for the distraction from Lucille. In his world, it was hard to find joy, so he found it wherever he could. It was cold outside. Life could have been worse for him. His family had come close to becoming homeless after his father died. But they hadn’t. Colin and his siblings worked hard to bring money into the household even when their mother couldn’t. Colin handed the homeless man some money to get something to eat even though he had little to give.

  The old man smiled and reached up to shake Colin’s hand. “You’re a saint.” His eyes shone with gratitude.

  “No, I’m not. I’m not even close to that.”

  6

  A handsome Italian man named Carmine Bianchi became his mother’s lover. It happened very quickly. One moment Líadan was sitting alone on the steps of the brick tenement, and then she was sitting there with Carmine at her side. She’d met him at the corner shop when buying the Lucky Strikes cigarettes Colin’s father used to smoke. Colin frowned when neighbors would openly comment how Carmine and his mother looked so good sitting there together, laughing and smoking, and that they appeared to be in love.

  “It’s like they were meant to be,” Mrs. Donovan commented to Colin as he stood outside the building smoking a cigarette on a sun-filled morning.

  He ignored her comment and flicked the cigarette to the ground. Then he headed uptown to deliver a couple of cartons of cigarettes.r />
  Carmine was a little younger than Colin’s mother, of above-average height, and was muscular, with a deep, loud voice. He was always clean-shaven and reeked of cologne. His dark hair and eyes gave him the appearance of being good-looking despite his belligerent demeanor. He’d worked as a porter at a respectable hotel for the past seven years. To Colin’s mother, Carmine meant a stable future.

  “Mam, I don’t like him. He’s not a good man. I want him out,” Colin said to his mother one afternoon when he was taking a break from cigarette runs and Carmine was at work.

  “I know you don’t like him, but he makes me happy. He brings in money. I’ve left the house nearly every day since I met him. I feel safer with him around.”

  “He’s not a decent man. I bring in money also. I can protect you. Why does he have to live here with us? If he makes so much money then why can’t he live in his own place?”

  “He likes being here with me,” Colin’s mother said pointedly. “We don’t want him here. Does he make you feel happy and safe in a way Da never did? I hardly remember you leaving the house when Da was alive.”

  His mother glared at him and didn’t say anything.

  “Then I’ll make him leave.” Colin hit his fist on the table in exasperation.

  “Don’t do that, Colin, or we’ll be living on the streets.”

  “I make money. Danny sends money. Even Maureen works at the lighting fixture shop when she’s not taking care of your home and your youngest for you. We all work except for you. What do you need his money for?”

  It was as though after their father died Danny didn’t want to have anything to do with his family anymore. As though he was happy to forget them. He’d started working fulltime at the drugstore and had moved into his own place. Danny hadn’t invited his siblings to move in with him. Colin was sure Danny had what he thought were good reasons. That didn’t mean he liked what Danny had done.

  Colin’s mother had such a thankless look on her face that he wanted to scream at her.

  “Maybe I want a better life,” she said coolly. “A better life, like the one I moved here to have.”

  “Moved here so you can have? What about us? It wasn’t exactly Da’s choice to move here, now was it?”